Numbers 14:11

"And the LORD said to Moses, 'How long will these people treat me with contempt? Will they never believe me, even after all the miraculous signs I have done among them?'"

Reading through Numbers has stirred up my heart in ways I did not imagine. It blows my mind to think about. I mean, God makes a promise to His people after establishing how serious He is about following through on promises. He delivers them from slavery in Egypt. Then, they see Him at work as He guides them and protects them. God uses a spokesperson to relay direct messages so that what He wants for the people is not confused. The Israelites even saw God do some crazy stuff and provide for them over and over again. Even then, they doubted Him. They complained, whined, and questioned. They were torn apart by the lack of trust for a God that made Himself so clear as He worked to fulfill His promise. It drove me crazy as I read through the book of Numbers to think that the people of Israel could complain out of a lack of trust for a God who didn't have to prove Himself, and yet He still did over and over again.
I think the reason why it was so hard to read through the book and constantly hear the complaints of Israel was the fact that I do the same thing--and it drives me crazy! I cannot seem to remember how faithful and powerful God is and I find myself stressing or worrying about things that are out of my control that God already has all figured out. It is easy to run out of hope and faith when you forget to remember who God is and what He has done over and over again in the past. 
Personally, I have felt like I am an Israelite wandering in the desert who has forgotten all about God's character. I have gotten so irritited with my circumstances that I forget to stop and stand in awe of God. As I read through this book I remember thinking, "If God made Himself this clear to me, I would so not question His will." Then I realized, He does! I just forget to pay attention most of the time. Or almost worse, I expect God to perform how I want Him to as if He is some sort of circus animal or something. Ha! The God of the Universe cannot be dumbed down to some self-centered expection for Him to do what we want, when we want it. It is extremely humbling to think that although I tend to miss it mosst of the time, God still shows up. Where I fail, He is great. When I stumble, He is secure. When I can't hold on anymore, He is strong. When I have nothing to hold onto, He provides. When I'm lost and alone, His arms are open. When my plans fall apart, His are perfect. When I forget, He still is. 
Take some time to just stand in awe of who God is, and remember. HE is love--and love always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. So let's stop complaining and start abiding in the arms of a God who loves us enough to provide what's best, even when it isn't easy. 

God is good.

He doesn't need to prove that with actions, 

He just is.    

Deuteronomy 30:19-20

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the LORD is your life..."

Today is the first day of my second semester of my sophmore year of college. Boy, that's a handful of words and an even bigger handful of emotions! I haven't blogged in a long while, and I'm going to do my best to get back into a steady stream of writing. Last semester was rough, and that is putting it lightly. As I was thinking about it, I think a big reason why was because I felt alone to process everything God was doing, teaching, and revealing. Being a verbal processor, that loneliness made me want to explode! So, as I stare deeply into seeking out who God is, I invite you to come along with me. Now, whether that "you" is absolutely nobody at all, a small handful of people, or a large number of "you"s, it doesn't really matter! I want to set one thing straight, I am writing this as a way to spend time with Jesus to get all my thoughts out and just be reminded of how great the God I love is. If God uses my words to bless others, YAY! But my intention with this blog is just to spend time reflecting on all God is teaching me through His word, His creation, His people, or His movement and whispers in my heart. 
It took me a long time to get here, to discover this excitement that had been so bogged down by a semster of nasty, hard, scary things. Christmas break seemed to never end, but when it did, I felt like there was a long line of heel tracks as I was dragged back into yet another semester. God got a good piece of my mind in the car as we drove back to the same place that I fell out of love with in the fall. I was not looking forward to what God has in store for this semster because I just did not want to go. Then, with His loving peace that I so don't deserve, God took a hold of my heart and reminded me that He had answered so many of my prayers even just in the short time over break. I began to feel peace as I recalled a passage I could not escape those few weeks at home. This passage in Deuteronomy hit me with the greatest realization. As hesitant as I was to begin a new semester, God spoke into the semi-bitter surrendering of my heart and showed me that I have a choice to make. So often we miss out on all the good that God is doing, or just the good of who God is because we get caught up in all the negative. Why is it that what is easier to focus on is what ultimately leads to destruction of yourselves and our relationships with others. I wish I could say that it is easy to choose life, but I would be lying if I said it was. However, it is a choice. Over and over in Scripture God makes it clear that life isn't going to be easy. God is real and honest with us about the fact that life may seem like it sucks at times. But what He also makes clear is that He will never leave us. I think we underestimate that at times. I mean, let's be real here, the God who spoke the world into motion (really think about that for a while) chooses to be with us and walk into the yuckiness of life with us! WHAT?! How does that even make sense? Oh wait, it doesn't and I don't think I will ever fully understand it because I will not fully be able to wrap my mind around how great His love truly is. Suddenly, even the hardest things to face still seem possible to overcome. It blows my mind! 
I guess all I can really say is, as much of a struggle as it is, I am learning to stand in awe of who God is and stand in awe of His Victorious power. And overall, just choose life! 

"Everything rides on hope now

Everything rides on faith somehow

When the world has broken me down

Your love sets me free!"