Numbers 14:11

"And the LORD said to Moses, 'How long will these people treat me with contempt? Will they never believe me, even after all the miraculous signs I have done among them?'"

Reading through Numbers has stirred up my heart in ways I did not imagine. It blows my mind to think about. I mean, God makes a promise to His people after establishing how serious He is about following through on promises. He delivers them from slavery in Egypt. Then, they see Him at work as He guides them and protects them. God uses a spokesperson to relay direct messages so that what He wants for the people is not confused. The Israelites even saw God do some crazy stuff and provide for them over and over again. Even then, they doubted Him. They complained, whined, and questioned. They were torn apart by the lack of trust for a God that made Himself so clear as He worked to fulfill His promise. It drove me crazy as I read through the book of Numbers to think that the people of Israel could complain out of a lack of trust for a God who didn't have to prove Himself, and yet He still did over and over again.
I think the reason why it was so hard to read through the book and constantly hear the complaints of Israel was the fact that I do the same thing--and it drives me crazy! I cannot seem to remember how faithful and powerful God is and I find myself stressing or worrying about things that are out of my control that God already has all figured out. It is easy to run out of hope and faith when you forget to remember who God is and what He has done over and over again in the past. 
Personally, I have felt like I am an Israelite wandering in the desert who has forgotten all about God's character. I have gotten so irritited with my circumstances that I forget to stop and stand in awe of God. As I read through this book I remember thinking, "If God made Himself this clear to me, I would so not question His will." Then I realized, He does! I just forget to pay attention most of the time. Or almost worse, I expect God to perform how I want Him to as if He is some sort of circus animal or something. Ha! The God of the Universe cannot be dumbed down to some self-centered expection for Him to do what we want, when we want it. It is extremely humbling to think that although I tend to miss it mosst of the time, God still shows up. Where I fail, He is great. When I stumble, He is secure. When I can't hold on anymore, He is strong. When I have nothing to hold onto, He provides. When I'm lost and alone, His arms are open. When my plans fall apart, His are perfect. When I forget, He still is. 
Take some time to just stand in awe of who God is, and remember. HE is love--and love always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. So let's stop complaining and start abiding in the arms of a God who loves us enough to provide what's best, even when it isn't easy. 

God is good.

He doesn't need to prove that with actions, 

He just is.    

Deuteronomy 30:19-20

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the LORD is your life..."

Today is the first day of my second semester of my sophmore year of college. Boy, that's a handful of words and an even bigger handful of emotions! I haven't blogged in a long while, and I'm going to do my best to get back into a steady stream of writing. Last semester was rough, and that is putting it lightly. As I was thinking about it, I think a big reason why was because I felt alone to process everything God was doing, teaching, and revealing. Being a verbal processor, that loneliness made me want to explode! So, as I stare deeply into seeking out who God is, I invite you to come along with me. Now, whether that "you" is absolutely nobody at all, a small handful of people, or a large number of "you"s, it doesn't really matter! I want to set one thing straight, I am writing this as a way to spend time with Jesus to get all my thoughts out and just be reminded of how great the God I love is. If God uses my words to bless others, YAY! But my intention with this blog is just to spend time reflecting on all God is teaching me through His word, His creation, His people, or His movement and whispers in my heart. 
It took me a long time to get here, to discover this excitement that had been so bogged down by a semster of nasty, hard, scary things. Christmas break seemed to never end, but when it did, I felt like there was a long line of heel tracks as I was dragged back into yet another semester. God got a good piece of my mind in the car as we drove back to the same place that I fell out of love with in the fall. I was not looking forward to what God has in store for this semster because I just did not want to go. Then, with His loving peace that I so don't deserve, God took a hold of my heart and reminded me that He had answered so many of my prayers even just in the short time over break. I began to feel peace as I recalled a passage I could not escape those few weeks at home. This passage in Deuteronomy hit me with the greatest realization. As hesitant as I was to begin a new semester, God spoke into the semi-bitter surrendering of my heart and showed me that I have a choice to make. So often we miss out on all the good that God is doing, or just the good of who God is because we get caught up in all the negative. Why is it that what is easier to focus on is what ultimately leads to destruction of yourselves and our relationships with others. I wish I could say that it is easy to choose life, but I would be lying if I said it was. However, it is a choice. Over and over in Scripture God makes it clear that life isn't going to be easy. God is real and honest with us about the fact that life may seem like it sucks at times. But what He also makes clear is that He will never leave us. I think we underestimate that at times. I mean, let's be real here, the God who spoke the world into motion (really think about that for a while) chooses to be with us and walk into the yuckiness of life with us! WHAT?! How does that even make sense? Oh wait, it doesn't and I don't think I will ever fully understand it because I will not fully be able to wrap my mind around how great His love truly is. Suddenly, even the hardest things to face still seem possible to overcome. It blows my mind! 
I guess all I can really say is, as much of a struggle as it is, I am learning to stand in awe of who God is and stand in awe of His Victorious power. And overall, just choose life! 

"Everything rides on hope now

Everything rides on faith somehow

When the world has broken me down

Your love sets me free!" 

Psalm 51:12

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey You." (NLT)


Lately, the pressures of this world have been weighing me down a lot more than I expected. I have been "saved" since I was just a little girl, but lately I haven't really felt safe at all. I have learned so much these past few years and can honestly say that I have seen God at work. But why does it seem like my relationship with God has recently hit a road block, and hit it hard. I have been seeking God's guidance and His heart more than I have in a while, but I can't seem to hear His voice. Or I just won't.
How often do we seek God in a situation then try to manipulate His response to fit our desires. I know I'm guilty of that to the nth degree.
I came across Psalm 51 in my quiet desperation to draw near to God through His word recently. I wear a ring with "Ps. 51:10" on it. But just a few short verses down speaks a verse of complete surrender as King David sought to cry out to the same Almighty God that I desire to be with. King David had some hardships of his own before writing this Psalm. So in the midst of our struggles, we can be reassured that even powerful kings need to bow in surrender to their All-Powerful Creator. How humbling is that?!
King David, in His low-point, recognizes the source of joy and the only way to escape the "funk" he is in. Surrender. Whether we have been a follower of Christ for 50 years or 5 minutes, we follow a God who is outside the limits of time. A God who does not change. And a God who offers abundant joy for all eternity. So, even in our lowest moments we can find as much joy in our Savior as we did when we first accepted that we can be saved. Let us not allow the story of the cross become a watered down Sunday School lesson that we here every year at Easter. May we all live every moment of every day rejoicing that we are alive in Christ and through surrender of our own will and full obedience of His we can experience full and complete joy for all eternity.
Our God is greater than our own minds, plans, and desires can fathom. That in itself should lead us to surrender, but that isn't even the whole story!

Philippians 4:4

"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. I will say it again: Rejoice!"

Rejoice. A fairly simple word. Meaning: To be glad; take delight; to make joyful. Sounds easy. So why is it so hard?

We were called to take delight in the Lord. Easier said than done. There are so many things in this world that we don't have or that don't happen to us when we want. WANT, such a dangerous word in our world today. It is also probably one of the most used words too. Why? Because we live in a self-centered world. A world that is so focused and the here and nows of our own lives that we easily forget about the there and futures of others. I am the best at being me focused. And what's worse is that I have even gotten so good at being so selfish that I blame, blame, blame or do something for "others" because it will in some way benefit me. I'm so ashamed of that lifestyle. But, could you imagine what our lives' would be like if we served a God that was that selfish? I don't even like thinking about it. Everything God ever does is out of love. And Love is selfless. There would be no hope, no forgiveness, no life, no renewal, nothing without the selfless love of our Lord. Our Lord who would have found something better to do than die on a cross for a bunch of sinners, if He were a selfish guy. But, He isn't. And we are free! And for that reason we are called to REJOICE! And Paul was serious when he told us to take delight in God. (Hense, the repetition!) Paul of all people would know the effect of rejoicing and giving the glory to God. He is one of the most obvious transformations in the Bible! And God did some amazing things through Him! God is busy in our lives just like he was in Paul's. Our God is alive! And we need to give Him the glory for everything! Even when it doesn't seem easy. James 1:2 says, "Consider it pure JOY my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." More repetition! (Just new wording!) We need to ALWAYS be glad in the God who has given us ALL that we have. The Author and Perfector of our Salvation. The Way, the Truth, and the Life. Rejoice in Him. The Perfect Example of True, Selfless Love. Rejoice in Him ALWAYS! He deserves it!

Give THANKS to the Lord,

His [selfless] love endures forever!

Matthew 6:18-20

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Why does it feel like everything in this world is based on competition? And why do our wants and desires in this world destroy our motives of a pure, God-filled lifestyle? I don't know how many times I have made complaints about what I don't have in comparison to others. I have also found myself begin to despise others who look "better" or are more "popular" than myself. I have become so accustomed to a world of WANT as opposed to need. This passage in Matthew talks about the danger of storing up earthly treasures and I used to think it only meant "things." But, verse 20 proves those thoughts completely wrong. "Wherever your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Just like 2+3=5 and 3+2=5 as well; where your treasure is, your heart will be and where your heart is, your treasure will be also. Your treasures are not just the tangible things in life, they are anything that you invest yourself into. Anything that your heart desires. So, when Jesus says not to store up earthly treasures, I think He was reminding us to spend a lot less of our energy comparing ourselves to others, and investing our thoughts in what others think about us, or focusing so much on ourselves that we miss opportunities to serve, love, and witness to others. Our treasures and our hearts are so important to God. He doesn't want to lose them forever. So, invest more of yourself into things that bring glory to the One who gave us life!

"Lord, I give you my heart
And the treasures it stores
To use it for Your kingdom
forevermore!"

1 Corinthians 13:12

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

1 Corinthians 13, also known as the Love chapter, is an amazing chapter on what it truly means to love and the true definition of love is. I like this chapter because it goes beyond the overrated version of "love." I know I have used that word far too many times. "I love Taco Bell" and "I love chocolate." NOT! Love is soo much greater than that. And this chapter proves it! The entire Bible is wrapped in the love of the Author of our Faith. There is nothing that God does or ever did that was not lead by His love for us. And because of that, we can not truly understand the extent of our Creator's character and love. But, that is what makes me appreciate verse 12 so much more. We live in a sin-filled world that makes it hard for us to see God at work in our everyday lives. But, Scripture tells us that this world is just temporary and one day we will see God face to face, in ALL His glory! Then, we will be able to truly understand God's love for us! Verse 10 says, "when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears." The imperfect views we have gained from this world will be wiped out when we are in the presence of the Lord. We see a poor reflection of what God's love looks like. But, one day, we will see God face to face and be able to truly understand Him and fully know His love for us! The greatest thing about God is that even though we are "fully known" His love for us is still so great! I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to be like to know God's love fully. And I am so amazed by the fact that I am fully known. No hiding the real me or pretending to be someone I'm not. God knows me better than I know myself and he still loves me more than I can understand! God's love is soo exciting! And although He is hard to understand fully, He rejoices in our seeking!

Jessica, please help me with your wisdom and skillful articulation. What does it mean to be 'sweetly broken'?

Well, the way I think of it, it means that in order to really allow God to work in your life you must be broken and open to His power. And being 'sweetly broken' comes when you realize that God's work is way sweeter and greater than anything we can do on our own. That might not be right but that's my interpretation!

Care to provide entertainment?!